I Want To Be Quiet
I've never been to the beach. Well actually, scratch that, I have but I was only one so that doesn't really count. But I want to go someday, maybe even live near it. Sometimes I imagine going to the beach by myself in the morning just as the sun is coming up. I imagine myself taking my sandals off, for shoes will only take away from the experience. I imagine the grains of sand tickling my feet and the little specks of glistening rock sparkling as the sun hits them. I imagine myself sitting just close enough to the water so that it meets my feet every time the waves come in. I would trace figures and words in the sand, feeling the texture and temperature.
Then I would look up at the sun coming in to hang for the day. The wonder of the sun rising with its majestic force yet gentle beautifulness would touch at the door of my heart, for being there would be like being home. The home of my soul, the beach. I can imagine being there would cause me to close my eyes and be so still, so quiet, the only way I could handle and take the beauty in.
I used to think that I didn't like being in God's creation because it is so wonderful I didn't know how to respond. I think it intimidated me. When I would see a beautiful waterfall, I felt like I could never praise Him enough. He felt so big, and I didn't think that what I would say would be enough. And I was right, it wasn't. God is infinite but because of Jesus, I don't have to be, to praise Him. As I spent more time in His creation, God opened my heart and showed me that I didn't have to praise Him audibly always but that just being still was an act of worship and admiration too. Just being there, enjoying Him and the beauty that He made. That was worship too, and I instantly fell in love.
When I think of this, of stillness as worship, I realize the point is that it isn't about me. Being still takes the attention off of me and places it on God because I'm not worrying that my response to His creation is enough. Being still in the midst of His great beauty reminds me that He is big and it's okay that I'm small. God doesn't want me to try to be "bigger" than I am so I can rightfully praise Him for His goodness. I see it almost as Him saying, "Elise, just watch. Just admire. Enjoy me and all that I've made."
Sometimes I think that being still is the only response to God. That trying to talk or do it justice will always fall short, so the only way to respond is just by quietness. Maybe it's just about our attention, our admiration. We don't have to say anything, just be there, just be quiet. Take it all in, enjoy.
I want to be quiet.